honeyandvinegar (honeyandvinegar) wrote in crackfickery,

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This one is for mews1945; seeing as I don't do much with the Sean A./Lij angle, I figure I could do up a lil' suttin'-suttin'-silly for her. :D! It's a bit teasy to Sean, but in a sweet way. :) He just basically loves "his Frodo" so much that crack!fic steps in and stomps all over the place.
And if ya like it m'dear please- run with it. Thas' the whole point of this site; for people to read and keep it going, like a feckin' chain letter. Only it's a lj-community. I describe it this way because I happen to have lost my brain on my way to buy cigs and lollipops at the store.

Title: Stuck in the Shire: Intervention
Pairing: Sean A./Lij
Synopsis: Sean Astin is a hobbit, and he won't hear any arguments about it.
Disclaimer: As far as I know, Sean has never thought he was a hobbit. Made up. Lyk totally.

Elijah: (walking into the kitchen) Er, Sean?

Sean: Hmm?

Elijah: What... are you doing?

Sean: (looking around at all the meals he's made; a pot roast, mashed potatoes, freshly chopped & steamed mixed vegetables, halved mushrooms, Wavy Lays and a pumpkin pie) I figured we could eat somethin' good.

Elijah: (blinking wildly) Sean. It's 8:30 in the morning.

Sean: Well, us hobbits are always so hungry! I doubt we'll make this meal last past elevenses!

Elijah: (eyes starting to bug out as Sean straps suspenders to his shoulders) Sean... I KNOW you loved playing Sam, and believe me, I love playing Frodo. And I really haven't minded playing "Horny Hobbits" in bed either after reading miles of F/S slash, but...

Sean: Well, I've just been thinkin', Sir...

Elijah: (eyes reaching critical mass) Sir?

Sean: I've just become so unsatisfied with us jumpin' about like ninnyhammers, like we're Gondorians or something...

Elijah: (mumbling, mostly to himself) We live in L.A....

Sean: ...so I figured, 'why not'? So Elijah, I've decided; I'm a hobbit.

Elijah: (dead still) Oh.

Sam: What'll you be having first, m'love?

Elijah: (breaking out of his trance and backing away to the living room) I'll... eat, in just a minute. I have to go... use the phone.

Sam: If ye don't mind me sayin', what's a phone about?

Elijah: I. I have to use the phone. (backs out and quickly dials Viggo's number)

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